past four years

I feel like I didn't really start living till about four years ago. It sounds weird but my eyes were just opened. Sonrise was just so comfortable and safe.  But life outside that bubble is so fantastic. Yes, I've experience pain and hurt that I never felt while I was in the bubble but on the flip side I have had so many joyous occasions happen to me.  I just can't help but miss those days.  I felt needed and useful.  I want to get involved in college and make even better memories than the ones I made in high school but it feels impossible. I mean, I should be having more fun now that I can drive, I have money of my own, I have a more free schedule (in some ways...) but life just seems to dull now.  I miss ASB. All of the rallies, retreats, early meetings even, impact, talking to Sassy and Mama and Mrs. Parker. I miss going to Disneyland with alll of my friends and going to Knotts for our banquet. I miss Class Council and helping plan Color Rally and all of us banning together to beat the seniors. I miss meeting on saturdays and after school for like 3 months just for a 4 minute performance. I miss all the teacher...well the good ones anyway.  I miss dances. Driving with all of my friends in a limo there and back, going to eat out after at in n out on barranca, getting our nails done together, trying to find the perfect dress. I miss football games. Meeting at my house before the games and walking over together, actually getting into the game, watching monica and christine cheer, the homecoming game when everyone comes back from past years, selling baked goods our junior year to raise money for Color Rally. I hate to admit it but I even miss swim, especially my freshmen year when everyone was in it.  I miss the workout first of all. I miss the community and friendships i built there.  I miss the meets and when we would all "set up camp" for those super long invitationals. I miss those lunches and breaks between class where we all became such good friends. I loved just sitting in class with all my wonderful friends.
I feel so blessed to have these memories and all the opportunities I had these past four years.  It's amazing how God works. I would have never guessed that high school would have been like this. I hated Covina High for the first two months. I would walk home alone and cry, seriously, just come home and cry cause I had no friends. It makes me laugh now. Maybe that's how college is going to be.  I don't sit and cry now cause I do have friends at CPP but I just long for that tight knit community I left behind at CHS.  The only way these great memories were made is because I went out there and got involved. It's just difficult to get involved when I don't live on campus and I'm always busy with work or homework.  It's hard not to just say things would be better if I went away to school.  I probably would've cried if I moved from my home but it would be easier to meet people and build friendships. Oh well, God has something great in store for me.  I'm just having a hard time trusting. Why should I when he has always been so faithful to me?

I love you God.